I am not who I was yesterday, nor last week or a month ago when i was wanting to just run away from life, get a divorce and leave. Life is freaking tough and it hurts sometimes. I forget no one knows how I feel inside or what is going on with 'me', everyone assume things are fine as the days go by so fast and we don't talk for days and months. If all that is spoken when we talk is "I'm good. I'm fine" how is anyone to ever know?
Being alone, away from family during holidays doesn't get easier as the years go by, especially as Alana is growing up, I long for the day we can be with family during every holiday.
I am a better me today. I am getting stronger again. The past 4 day i feel myself smiling more than frowning, I'm singing again, taking pictures again, i am slowing getting back to myself. I am opening up more trying not keeping things in or bottling them up.
How is my husband going to know what I want to be done to better our marriage if I don't tell him and same goes for him. lol I mean come on people we have to stop assuming we know what each other want and need.
Not everyone is religious or believes in the same things I do and thats fine with me, everyone has their own thing. But for me God is my comfort. I didn't go to church for a month and it has really taken a toll on me. I have been slacking big time in Him and in that department and I know this is the reason for why I have been feeling this way. I am a sinner I struggle with my demons daily and sometimes they get the best of me, but I am through. I refuse to surrender to the negativity that goes on in my head. I am a warrior, I am a survivor! I am the only one that has the power make myself better.
I am not saying this for attention.. I am saying it because people have to stop and think. This generation is getting so used to just throwing in the towel putting our hands up and saying I'm done, I quit! when there is so much to fight for. Not only in Marriages but in EVERYTHING in your life.
If we change for the better...if we believe in ourselves if we put the past behind us. I believe everyone can change for the better, IF you believe in yourself! Give your self the benefit of the doubt! Stop letting the past eat you alive. Take the next step for a better future. Love yourself, better yourself.
I am writing this because I know I am not alone on this or in this thing called life. Neither are you who read this. I know most people stopped reading this when I started talking about God but if you read this through please stop judging a book by the cover because you don't know what's inside unless you read it. I'm talking about me and everyone else, don't judge me from my outside you only see what I or anyone let you see. Unless, we speak about what's really inside.
Stop thinking you know someone's marriage, you don't know what happens behind closed doors, you don't know the struggles each person is going through. I know people pick and choose different things when they read and take it out of context, just know it takes a lot to open up!
I have a voice, and know it will only be heard if I speak. -Lacey